I meant to post this the other night but time got away from me as it usually does. So life in the past year has been extremely busy and crazy. We have had a diagnosis of cancer, fought it, beat it, learned we were adding to our family, gotten closer to some people and more distanced from others.
I have struggled with a lot of what-ifs in the past few months and I try every day to get past them. When we found out about Ivy's stuff I was certain I was done having children. This scared the daylights out of me and I didn't want to have another child and possibly end up with worse things going on, shallow thinking I know, but it happened anyway. When we got through all of her stuff so easily I breathed a sigh of relief. I began rethinking that last child and apparently so did Brian. I figured he would shut me down in an instant but surprised me. Little did we know we would get pregnant so easily with this little guy.
After I found out I was pregnant I went back to worrying. Ivy's pregnancy was not easy by any means but that would not be an indicator for what she had. I just happened to have a rough pregnancy. Nausea, severe heartburn, bad gestational diabetes, extreme exhaustion...not fun at all. I wasn't necessasrily worried about all of this though. I figured it would be worth it to add to our family one final time.
What I worry about, is that there were no indications that anything was wrong. No ultrasounds picked it up, no blood work, nothing. Hers was miniscule compared to most with sacrococcygeal teratomas. But it didn't make it any easier. I constantly worry, what if Owen has this when he is born, what if something else is going on that has gone undetected, what if Ivy has a relapse while I'm pregnant or right after Owen is born? The list goes on but these are the main things that run through my mind.
I freak if I don't feel him move for long periods of time as he is an active little booger. I relax when I feel him wiggle all around again. I try to push all the what-ifs out of my mind and enjoy my last pregnancy but some days it isn't so easy. So if I seem quiet or off, you'll know I'm having one of those days. Or if I'm overly upbeat lol. Sometimes I like to compensate and make it seem like everything is perfectly fine and it really isn't. I don't normally complain on here but sometimes we all just need to vent!
Sisters Forever
Monday, June 2, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
I really should do this more often...
I decided to look through my old posts tonight. I was horrified to see that my last one was on May 6th of last year. That was mine and Brian's 7th wedding anniversary lol. That wasn't why I was horrified. I scrolled through that post and realized I stated that Ivy could have faced chemo if her tumors had not been caught when they were. I guess we got too comfortable with the diagnosis of unlikely to return.
It is crazy to realize that just a year and 23 days ago we figured the hard part was behind us. We were wrong and I can't say that I would change it. Don't take that wrong. Did I want my 6 month old to have cancer and go through chemo? No, absolutely not. Did I want to sacrifice time with my family so that I could spend a ton of time at doctors offices and the hospital? Definitely not. But so many things happened in that time. We were changed, as individuals and as a family due to this experience. We learned to rely on others for help, especially our church family and a few close friends and relatives. We learned to focus on our family and our sweet girl's specific needs. Her older sisters became fiercely protective of her and are still rather close to her now. We became stronger in our faith. Yes, we did go through a rough experience, but it was nothing compared to what other families go through. We watched parents wrought with fear listen to doctors (no we didn't eavesdrop, we were perusing the halls and almost everyone kept doors open) tell them what the next step would be, if there was a next step. We learned of the passing of one of the patients up there, I took that one rather hard. I know the nurses had a really hard time with that one as well. I learned that while we were having a scary experience with our own child, it could have been much worse.
Ivy took everything like a champ. She rarely cried during the whole thing. She didn't even cry each time they accessed her port, even though I was ready to each time! She smiled constantly and was a little ball of energy. The nurses all adored her and would often steal her to take her on walks or over to the playroom. The staff at Levine and at Ivy's oncology office were/are one word: AMAZING!!! We could not have had a better experience.
When I sat down tonight I actually had no intention on going into detail on what we went through with Ivy. Most people who read this also keep up with her page and updates. It has been crazy around here so I haven't updated that page as much as I should. I'm going to sum up the year as quickly as I can and then maybe tomorrow I can get back to what I was originally going to write about!
So in the past year:
May was pretty uneventful. June: I could tell that Ivy was getting a little fussier but figured it was teething, she had a couple working their way in. July: I knew something wasn't right but I was determined it was nothing. August: We had her three month post-op ultrasound. It showed something abnormal so we went in for an MRI. The tumors were back but this time as one tumor, not several clustered together. But it was still in the same spot as the original ones. Chemo was suggested. September: We started chemo. Round one was three days but we were at the hospital for five days. Day one was port placement, day two was more tests and then started chemo that night. Day three and four was more chemo and day five we went home. We had round two in September as well, this one also caused her to need a blood transfusion. October: We had Ivy's last round of chemo. November: She was cancer-free! December: Next MRI and hearing test. All still looked good so the doctor and nurses celebrated and got Ivy a little gift! January: We found out we were going to have another baby (yes he was planned!). Ivy turned one! February: Next MRI, still clear!!! March: All blood work looks great, decide to schedule her next MRI four months out instead of three (would have happened in April instead of May). Two weeks of sickness, mainly in Ivy. April: We found out we are having a boy (more on that tomorrow). Blood work still looks fantastic. We have a whole month of sickness. We visited family in Florida! May: Next MRI and hearing test. STILL CLEAR!!! So now she is technically 6 months cancer free. WOOHOO!!!! She will go for blood work in July and then her next MRI in September (not long after Owen gets here). Sad that this is a brief summary lol.
It is crazy to realize that just a year and 23 days ago we figured the hard part was behind us. We were wrong and I can't say that I would change it. Don't take that wrong. Did I want my 6 month old to have cancer and go through chemo? No, absolutely not. Did I want to sacrifice time with my family so that I could spend a ton of time at doctors offices and the hospital? Definitely not. But so many things happened in that time. We were changed, as individuals and as a family due to this experience. We learned to rely on others for help, especially our church family and a few close friends and relatives. We learned to focus on our family and our sweet girl's specific needs. Her older sisters became fiercely protective of her and are still rather close to her now. We became stronger in our faith. Yes, we did go through a rough experience, but it was nothing compared to what other families go through. We watched parents wrought with fear listen to doctors (no we didn't eavesdrop, we were perusing the halls and almost everyone kept doors open) tell them what the next step would be, if there was a next step. We learned of the passing of one of the patients up there, I took that one rather hard. I know the nurses had a really hard time with that one as well. I learned that while we were having a scary experience with our own child, it could have been much worse.
Ivy took everything like a champ. She rarely cried during the whole thing. She didn't even cry each time they accessed her port, even though I was ready to each time! She smiled constantly and was a little ball of energy. The nurses all adored her and would often steal her to take her on walks or over to the playroom. The staff at Levine and at Ivy's oncology office were/are one word: AMAZING!!! We could not have had a better experience.
When I sat down tonight I actually had no intention on going into detail on what we went through with Ivy. Most people who read this also keep up with her page and updates. It has been crazy around here so I haven't updated that page as much as I should. I'm going to sum up the year as quickly as I can and then maybe tomorrow I can get back to what I was originally going to write about!
So in the past year:
May was pretty uneventful. June: I could tell that Ivy was getting a little fussier but figured it was teething, she had a couple working their way in. July: I knew something wasn't right but I was determined it was nothing. August: We had her three month post-op ultrasound. It showed something abnormal so we went in for an MRI. The tumors were back but this time as one tumor, not several clustered together. But it was still in the same spot as the original ones. Chemo was suggested. September: We started chemo. Round one was three days but we were at the hospital for five days. Day one was port placement, day two was more tests and then started chemo that night. Day three and four was more chemo and day five we went home. We had round two in September as well, this one also caused her to need a blood transfusion. October: We had Ivy's last round of chemo. November: She was cancer-free! December: Next MRI and hearing test. All still looked good so the doctor and nurses celebrated and got Ivy a little gift! January: We found out we were going to have another baby (yes he was planned!). Ivy turned one! February: Next MRI, still clear!!! March: All blood work looks great, decide to schedule her next MRI four months out instead of three (would have happened in April instead of May). Two weeks of sickness, mainly in Ivy. April: We found out we are having a boy (more on that tomorrow). Blood work still looks fantastic. We have a whole month of sickness. We visited family in Florida! May: Next MRI and hearing test. STILL CLEAR!!! So now she is technically 6 months cancer free. WOOHOO!!!! She will go for blood work in July and then her next MRI in September (not long after Owen gets here). Sad that this is a brief summary lol.
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